Well, dammit, it appears the Lingerie Football League is on hiatus for 2012, back in April 2013 so they can have a warm-weather schedule.  All the better, really. As I don’t play fantasy baseball, I need something to do during NFL’s off-season.

Fops in ‘12 (also in Lingerie ‘13).

WORLD DEEEEEEEEEB CHAMPWINS.

There is no greater indicator as to what a completely bizarre fantasy season this has been than what I am about to say:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I PRESENT YOUR 2011 MAFIA BOWL CHAMPIONS: THE NEW YORK DEEBINS.

Cats and dogs, living together, mass hysteria.  

Congrats to Deeb on his improbable 6-7 Championship season, knocking off both the reigning champ and the #1 seed.  (And Mok: you better watch your back, because I know for a fact that Matty is well aware that this would have been his Championship run, had that last regular season game not ended in a last minute tie…).

I shudder to think what Deeb will rename Triple DwayneBowe next year.  But I’m glad it’s not me.

- Kluv

Peyton

It’s with a heavy heart that I have decided to officially put Peyton Manning on the trade block. 

I’m fielding offers now. Let the bidding begin. 

ONE FOR THE BOOKS.

The batshit insanity of the season continues into the first round of the playoffs! While Diesel and Trav sat at home and rested their feet, the rest took to the field:

• Mok, continuing to ride the Aaron Rodgers/Rob Gronkowski train, ousted the Fops in a squeaker, 102-94. 
• And, in what could be one of the most stunning upsets in the history of the Mafia Bowl, Deebins is on the verge of kicking Le Sperm to the curb — thanks, in part, to the macho 39-points provided by Matty Ice (who, for the record, was universally jeered by the pundits when Deeb drafted him in the 4th round).  Has CJNoK fucked Corey for the last time, pulling an anemic 6 points (while Mssrs. Greene and Jacobs dropped quarters on The Golden Sperm’s Bench)?

It all comes down to tonight, when Sperm’s season rides on the shoulders of the… Seattle Defense.  Their highest total of the season was 23 points (versus the Jints) — can they pull an ungodly 30 against the hapless Rams?  

Tune in and find out!

- Kluv

[Oh, and in the consolation bracket: The Red Hands and Kelly’s Heroes beat up on the McCoys and HBK, respectively.]

UPDATE: It’s all come down to V-JAX.

The top five playoff slots are locked up.  It looks like Diesel & Trav will bag the Week 14 playoff byes, with Mok sliding to third on an (almost) unbelievable tie with Matty to end out the regular season.  Me la Sperm is probably in at four, unless Frants can hold off his nemesis in HBK and move up from what looks to be the 5 hole.

And then there’s the final playoff spot.  If Matty had managed to squeeze out just one more point, or the FOUR Pats Mok rolled against him came up with one point less, the slot would be his.   But with the tie, it all comes down to tonight.  So, Mr. Jackson needs at least 14 points for The Golden Sperm to put the Pappies into a tie and award The Red Hands the final playoff spot.  Otherwise…Deeb is in.  Parlez-vous playoffs. 

My condolences to Kelly’s Heroes and The Shady McCoy’s - the Hands’ tie automatically took your out of the running.  

- Sperm

Last stop PLAYOFFS.

I can see my last post really lit a fire so I’m gonna fan the flames some more. Its Week 13, and by the end all the playoff spots will be filled. The question is, by who? Or whom? I always fuck that up.

As of right now 9 teams are technically in the mix for six slots, but the reality is four of those slots are already filled no matter the outcome of today’s games. Rex, Cutler, Kellys (the fighting kind), and yours truly are guaranteed some kind of playoff spot although seeding is still up in the air. As for the fifth slot, that too is pretty much wrapped up by the Fops. With a win Frants is in, but even with a loss both Matty & Deeb would need to win and somehow outscore the Fops by 122 for Matty, and a whopping 153 for Deeb. (that’s not the score they need, thats how many more points they would need to score than Brantley this week.) it would take an absolute miracle to block the Fops from a bid.

So with that settled, we really have four teams competing for the final playoff slot. Red, Pappies, Heroes, and McCoys. Here’s my quick and dirty breakdown.

Red wins, Deeb loses - Red is in.
Deeb wins, Red loses - Deeb is in.
Both Red & Deeb win - Deeb would need to outscore Red by 31 to make it in, otherwise it’s Matty’s slot.

Those are the easy ones. Now for the long shots. For Heroes or McCoys to sneak in they would both need:
Red & Deeb to lose.
To win, as they’re playing each other.
If Heroes wins, they would ALSO need to outscore Red by 80 AND Deeb by 49 to make it in.
If McCoy wins, they would ALSO need to outscore Red by 124 AND Deeb by 93 to make it in.

So there it is. Like I said earlier it’s quick and dirty so I hope I got everything in there. And with that all said, let us not forget that even if your don’t make the playoffs there’s still the Toilet Bowl. (The ultimate last place finisher of the consolation bracket pays the winner of the consolation a whopping 25 bones. And we will be enforcing this year. No quitting the league to get out of it like Duckles last season.)

Good luck to all. And to all a good Sunday.

- Sperm

Battle for the Playoffs (quick post)

In an effort to stir up some interest on this board I’m dropping this quick mid-Sunday update.

With a week and a half left before the playoffs, we have one hell of a battle going on. As it stands, nine teams have a legit chance to make it in to the top six. (Sorry HBK, somehow the all running back drafting strategy didn’t work out.) 

We’ve got some excellent matchups this weekend:

The top two seeds faceoff in our version of the Har-bowl. The Lorenz Bros have held the top spots for quite a while, (once Frants “no bench” strategy met the bye weeks) and this weekend Mok can finally overtake Diesel for the top spot.

We also have a battle of the Kellys - Fighting vs. Heroes - as KD tries to squeeze his way in to the top six, and Trav fights for a playoff bye week. And all the other games have playoffs implications as well. (Like I said, quick post.) 

We headed for a classic finish, so let’s get the shit talking started. 

- Sperm 

SHOW ME THE MONEY!

The Eagles did to Michael Vick, so now it’s your turn! If you haven’t coughed up your hard earned $50 for Fantasy, please do so soon. I only have collected from a handful of you.

Mail to:

12523 Landale Street

Studio City, CA 91604.

Thanks. The Commish (via internet from NOLA)